Trusting if you Trust: Navigating True Trust

Last week was rough, y'all. And the week before that one. And maybe, like one more before that one. Walking around with bricks on bricks on my shoulders, rough. On days when my mascara is competing for the grand prize in an abstract painting contest, I love to post a picture (#grace), I love to tell a friend how I am just "trusting in the Lord", and on rough days I really love to be...mean, no better way to say that one. As I am quick to admit, I am a professional wall-builder. Call me Bob the Builder--but real talk, when circumstances become harder and harder I do a lot of things. Yell at my sweet husband. Demand jelly beans and chocolate bribes. Crawl under my covers for an abnormal amount of time and pretend I am on the cast of Pretty Little Liars. Yep, doing the most. What I don't do when I realize I cannot handle one more microscopic grain of hardship on my back? Call out on Christ. Trust that God is greater than my current situation. Believe God's word when it declares He truly will not give me more than I can handle. Fundamentally, I know these truths, but all the other things in my heart and head blur my spiritual desire for the Gospel, during times when that should be my first plan of action. If you were to ask me if I trust in God for all my needs I would say yes, every single time. I would not call myself a fair-weather fan of Christ because I know without a shadow of a doubt His blood has bought me at a price that I could never afford.

But, I think trust is an ongoing problem of Christians...or heck, just me.

When "it is a great day to be alive and I know the sun is still shining when I close my eyes" and I am feeling "blessed" (we won't go down that road in this post), I am quick to tell others the importance of trusting God in all circumstances. Yet, insert this last month and I just want to hug my Grandpaw and I am suddenly afraid for another family member's health and I feel inadequate at every turn of my program, then find me locked in my car shouting at God "WHY?" I just don't get it. I am such a great..oh wait, that isn't how it works! I have to humbly remind myself that circumstances, situations, bad days are all a result of sin, not a reflection of Christ's inadequacies. Words and actions are such different mediums for displaying our love to God on high. I pray I continually choose actions over words. My words are often convoluted into complaints and a quick chat with a friend is soon a full-blown vent session. My words are more adequately used for praises and prayers. Next time, I have a really dramatic, stage-5 clinger episode I desperately pray that "I am just trusting in the Lord" is so much more than a trite phrase flung haphazardly from my Christian lingo play-book.

In other news, five new things I really like about having a husband:

1. Hearing his voice next to mine during worship. Y,all. Knowing I get to praise Christ with our marriage and lives forever makes me gush, but I adore hearing my sweet hubs sing out of tune next to me.

2. Being like super weird. This is not new, but it has escalated. Example, Joe told me how he responded to a co-worker in this odd voice we use and got really embarrassed. #wifewin

3. Always having my car backed-in to my parking spot and filled up. Reversing into spots is not a skill I possess, apparently ignoring my gas light is a skill I possess.

4. Shopping the guys' and girls' sections in stores (See previous post to discover the delight I find in shopping). Having a husband is like getting a new bod--I suddenly get to look at a whole new world of clothing.

5. Bringing up the word "husband" in conversation. Stop. So fun. Also, if I see you often sorry, not sorry. i.e. "My husband and I were just at our apartment, where my husband lives too, and we were talking about him being my husband."

Like, what a stud.


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