What a five-month engagement taught me about being realistic, frugal, and Pinterest.

First off,  can I just say my wedding day was seriously the best? It was not perfect and I am sure there were a few snags here or there, but girls, let me tell you it will forever be perfect in my mind. Cloud nine type stuff, y'all! I follow that by saying a five-month engagement meeting my Type-A crazy town self was a learning experience, in the least. This post is to offer my itty-bitty, tiny chunk of wisdom that I gleaned from my wedding planning journey and to provide some ideas on frugality during the process! Also, I had 14 million questions about linens and what a charger was (not a phone accessory...weird, right?), and more ridiculousness I missed the memo on during my perusing of the bridal magazine section at Barnes and Nobel.

Read this if you read nothing else: your wedding is not your marriage. Joe and I invested our time in premarital counseling that was absolutely invaluable (I will post soon sharing our biggest take-aways during counseling).  Our engagement flew by, our wedding day flew by, but we are now figuring out how to use marriage to better understand Christ's love for us for the rest of forever and that is pretty darn awesome! 

I will say money made my head spend in circles my whole engagement--it is so hard. Fortunately, my parents paid for our wedding and I am forever grateful. However, I spent a lot of time doing things myself and had trial and error of what is worth the money and areas to save. I was pretty shocked the average wedding cost $27,000! BUT it is so so easy to get there if you don't pay attention!

In my opinion, the most important first step is figuring out what is really important to you. This is vastly different for each bride, but it is something you need to consider. There will be times when things have to be cut--write a list of three things that you are not willing to compromise on. Look back on that list when you cannot afford those adorable robes for your girls or you have to slash your budget and that list will keep things in perspective.

Here are some of my suggestions of things not to spend on, things I chose to spend on, and other general suggestions...

Things I chose NOT to spend on:

Wardrobe:  One thing that I knew I didn't want to spend money on was anything explicitly for just me (i.e. my dress and accessories). I bought my dress off the floor (if you try on in-store and find something you love ask if you can buy the sample. I didn't care other people had tried it on and got a 15% discount off the gown). Also be really careful about alterations packages (it is a dark, expensive, black hole)—the store you buy from may offer an all-inclusive alteration package for as many alterations as you want/need. I opted for alterations on the length and a bustle. One option is skipping on the package and bringing it to an outside tailor, preferably a CHEAP and experienced one. Hopefully, y'all have someone in the area that is a deal and trusted! Look for a dress with length--I wore my cowboy boots (no cost), but if that isn't your thing you don't have to buy Valentinos with a long dress...you can't even see them. I got my garter from Etsy for $15 for two—one to toss and a souvenir. I thought this was a potential DIY project, but it wasn't worth it for the deal from Etsy. I found department store deals for my earrings and got my exit dress from Cache's clearance rack! All the boy's rented from a local prom dress store (have more options than a Men's Warehouse) and the girls bought their dresses from the same boutique I got mine! Note: This is one area I felt I rushed through. Savor these decisions.

We did NOT do:

--Favors: although you could DIY this to save money.
--Menus
--Programs (Programs always get thrown away!)

Paper: Our invitations and save-the-dates were from Minted.com. We did postcard save-the-dates (cheaper postage card postage is available at the Post Office, however I didn't get that because it wasn't as pretty--ooops). Postcards are also cheaper because you aren't paying for envelopes. I did add the scallop edge option at an additional price for invites, but I lined the envelopes myself with card stock and made my own RSVP cards (Stamp from Etsy) and direction cards (Word). I used fun glitter tape (cheap at Michael's to seal them, rather than other offered stickers, etc.). I self-addressed all my invites and save-the-dates. Note: Minted has the option of you uploading your address book and guest list (free) and it will do it for you but I liked the hand-written look much better.

Flowers: Flowers weren't important to me. Did y'all know they DIE? However, I did want real ones! I bought mine from the local Farmer's Market vendor. They were talented flower growers and even made my bouquets and a lot of random bushels for various places around my venue. I am sure most Farmer's Markets have similar services. I quoted a professional florist, for what would have been undeniably gorgeous arrangements, but the price of the ceremony flowers alone was too much for my budget alone. I paid a third of the ceremony-only quote for all flowers. I also supplemented my small amount of flowers by purchasing a crate of dried wheat offline to use in my centerpieces. I made the guy's boutonnieres myself (fake flowers from Michaels, burlap, and ribbon). I also purchased corsages from the Farmer's Market but if I did it again I would skip on those, my mom didn't even wear hers (she was particularly entertaining when I tried to pen it on her). I would ask women in your family if they really want one or their thoughts on them because I would say this is a cost that could be cut. Also, I used burlap tulle to make bows for the back of the seats, rather than doing an aisle-runner or any flowers to mark the aisle. Another cheap option is candles but my venue wouldn't allow those.

Décor: DIY-city. All my decor was diy-ed other than a handful of bought decorations. Note: Most of my wedding decor has transformed to apartment decor for even more use. Consider this as an option, especially if you are moving into a new apartment or house and have few decorations! Any purchases or DIY supplies were bought from Michaels or the Dollar Tree. I bought candles, votives, burlap, and burlap tulle from Michael's. I bought all vases, $1 sunglasses for bridal party and picture frames from the Dollar Tree (where everything is REALLY one dollar). I used my Michael's coupons like gold tokens—40 or 50% off one item daily. I went A LOT. I bought a package of burlap (could cut to make 2 table runners) for $12.99 with a 50% off coupon daily until I had enough for all my tables! I also made glitter bags for our getaway, bought a $10 table from Big Lots to use as a sweet heart's table, bought $1 cardboard diacut letters in the $1 section of Michael's for signage, got $1 chalkboards for our signage (AC Moore's). I used the coupons on crates from Michael's to make our altar decorations, just stained them and now they function as tables in my apartment.These are a few of my ideas and I know y'all are incredibly more creative and talented than myself so you can totally do better! Note: Choose these projects carefully and make a timeline for completion or you will feel REAL stressed out!

Ask friends with talent for help:  HELLUR. Your friends rock and want to help you. My organized friend killed day-of coordination. I asked a mentor from a college ministry to officiate us. A group of friends and family members helped set-up the day before. I asked a friend to sing ceremony music. A friend did our dessert table--one baby cake to cut and some of our favorite desserts. And guess what?! Every single one of them were stinkin' incredible and it is so special to see people you love in the intimate details of your special day. Do not forget to show them extra love for their cheap or free services--a thank you, a gift card, and a hand-written note goes a long way!

Ask a local church team to do videography: If your church has cool videos in the mornings, they are made in-house and would probably be willing to shoot your wedding at a discounted price. I was not ready to see those thousand dollar price stickers on videographers...whew, enough to make a girl eat a whole jar of peanut butter.

Food: We lucked out on food (Note: A trend you may notice, our vendors were wonderful, kind, precious people who cared about weddings and I could kiss them for it!). We met with a lot of different options and ended up going with buffet style stations for $19.95/ per head, including silverware and plates (we used plastic stuff for cheaper because... why the heck not?), and passed appetizers during cocktail hour. Our stations reflected each our families culture. Joe's family is Hispanic. My family is Cajun. Cumulatively, we are Southern--YUM! Our carter also supplied plates for our dessert table. Another money saver is skipping the cocktail hour by doing a first look and getting all your pictures out of the way, but Joe and I were both adamant about not seeing each other day of :) . This was one of our biggest expenses but I have heard up to $70/per head- ain't no body got time. Alcohol was a tricky decision--I wanted people to have fun (not to say that alcohol equals fun) but alcohol IS SO EXPENSIVE. We did a wine and domestic beer open-bar with a set limit of $600, then it transitioned to a cash bar.

Gifts: Your wedding is one time in your life when things are allowed to get pretty selfish, but do not forget to spend time thinking about the people you have chosen to surround you on this day. Your family and bridal party showers you with love, time spent, and support for your whole engagement. Give them something sweet. I bought my girls' earrings to wear on wedding day and flannels from Sierra trading post (bought during the summer and whatta deal) and had them monogrammed (because...duh)! I wrote handwritten notes. This is not optional. DO THIS. This was one of my absolute favorite parts of the week before my wedding. I loved reflecting on the friendships I shared with my girls and family through writing them notes. I got my parents sweet handkerchiefs for cheap off Etsy ($15/each)--don’t spend a ton here! It's the thought ;) Also, we did a morning of brunch with all the girls (a favorite part of the day)! Breakfast is cheaper than any other meal— rather than a luncheon.

Things I spent on:

Photographer: What a gem! I absolutely adore my photographer. I talked to a few different photographers and discovered it is important to choose a vendor that aligns with your ideas about what is most important on this day. Then trust them. Do not bombarded your photographer with ideas...they actually are incredible and know what they are doing. However, I jotted down a list of details I wanted captured that my photographer would not have otherwise known about (i.e. the written message on the bottom of my boots or the guys' matching socks [Read: Joe's attempt at matching socks]).  Look for someone who shoots film and look at their portfolios to see if it similar to the style you want. A great photographer does not equal your photographer. My price included all-day wedding coverage and an engagement shoot. Also, we own all rights to all pictures—that was included, some photographers make you pay extra for that. I chose to skip on bridals because I think they are awk-city and I don't want a wall of myself creepin'.

Venue: Our venue was absolutely stunning. We did our ceremony and reception in the same place which was especially convenient for guests and you want to keep as many of those guests around...they are pretty fun! You kind of fall in love with venues—so visit a lot and hopefully you will find the perfect one and can cut your budget in other ways. Know what you are paying for! Ours included—linens (ask if they are knee length or floor length if this is included), clean-up, on site staff day-of and parking staff. Our venue was wonderful. In sake of budget, skip on venues that force you to use their food services and opt out of on-site planners or coordination.

DJ: Our DJ's company was legit but we didn't love our DJ, unfortunately—this is hard to pick and was really important to us. Look at TheKnot.com for recommendations and reviews. DJs are generally much cheaper than bands, but bands can be so much fun. I wouldn't go the iPod route…but DO ask to see videos of previous clients' receptions when you meet with DJs for the most accurate description of what to expect! Also, if you trust your other vendors (which I hope you do) ask them for great DJs! They go to wedding almost weekly and know what's up!

Things you don't realize you have to pay for:

--Tips at the end of the night.
--Postage, UGH.
--Alterations (explained up there).

Final Pieces of Advice:

--Read all contracts SUPER careful, so you avoid ANY fees.
--Keep a strict itinerary to avoid any overage fees for by-hour services.
--SAY HECK NO to Pinterest. It has a lot of great ideas, but it is unrealistic, crazy-town acres to think you can do it all. Go at the beginning of planning for inspiration and establish a general vibe to get started…then STEP away. Ladies, seriously turn off the computer.
--TheKnot.com is a great source for wedding etiquette questions, etc. and Southernweddings.com is my favorite source of inspiration and truly encompasses what weddings should mean.

I had so much fun planning my wedding (I am kind of a planning nerd) BUT also, allowed myself to think incessantly about it. Plan wise, plan often, but in the famous words of a wise scholar named Bon Qui Qui, "But don't get crazy."

HAPPY PLANNING and may the odds be ever in your favor ;)