Imperfect is the New Perfect: what marriage has taught me about hanging out with your bestie for a really long and epic slumber party!

When considering the concept of transparency it is hard to overlook my relationships, especially my relationship with my hottie hubs. I consider it crucial to not only be authentic in the relationships I cultivate, but also remaining accountable to others about those relationships.

Our culture is so hyper-focused on weddings, over-the-top-lip-dub proposals, couples, engagement shoots, sparkly rings and marriage. Simultaneously, our culture (especially the culture of the church) tells us there is something wrong with being single. You are flawed if there isn’t a ring on your finger. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am a big fan of using social media to make it look like Joe and I have it all together (and we just love some selfies). Flash to reality: we are sitting on our Big Lots couch in sweats watching a whole lot more Netflix than is socially acceptable. I rarely am wearing makeup and last week, I actually witness the sweet boy grab a dirty (dirty dirt, y’all) spoon from the kitchen sink and use it to cut a slice of pizza. In what world do men gather such logic? Basically, getting to play roomie with your best friend for eternity is pretty legit, but even more often Joe and I fight over pity things (see above: spoon incident) or I am crying in the bathroom because everything I try on makes me “feel” like a heifer and we are late for whatever event we were attempting to attend. When I think of how I present our relationship I want to be honest and real about life getting real ,because to me that is what makes it so imperfectly perfect. I have even received comments or text messages to the extent of “AH. Y’ALL ARE PERFECT.” That’s when I just have to say…shut the front door. We aren’t perfect, not even a bit. In fact, it is incredibly hard for me to describe our relationship without the Gospel. We are simply two sinful people that have failed one another repeatedly in the past and will continue to fail each other in the future. We have been together for a long time and during that time we have gained invaluable knowledge about forgiveness and grace. There are times when I know people have questioned our motives or logic, etc. but ultimately, we have rested in a supernatural peace from Christ that points us to the cross. I want to share some of the things we learned during pre-martial counseling and in our very few months of marriage so far.

1.   “We are family. Get up errbody and sing” –Sister Sledge

            I used to think that when I got married I would get a new last name and a new family—score! My family would gain a son and la la la, “I got all my sisters with me”. In reality though, Joe and I are now a family; our own little family, just chilling in Durham. We still have families and we obviously still love them, but instead of gaining new family members we additionally, have created a new family. I think before I only considered that we would “start” a family once we had wittle bebes, but we now are seeking new family traditions at holidays, new dinner ideas, new schedules, and new grocery lists. We treaded some rocky water in the first month in the comparison game… "Well, my family does this…” "My family always used this…” Guess what? It does not matter. Our family is still in the establishment stage and we are still stumbling through it, because our families have had a lot longer to get their acts together and my mom’s laundry just smells better and her food just taste better. We are so thankful to have such incredible families to structure our family after (Caveat: I still call my mom much more than the average gal. Sorry, she's my bestie.). You are called to leave your mother and father, cleaving to your spouse. Our family now represents a sacredness that our families respect and value. We are now one flesh—say WHAAA.

2.The world’s concept of marriage looks a lot different than God’s intent for marriage:

The world tells us that marriage is going to fix us. You will truly be happy once you are married, but if you aren’t before I doubt the new stressors of marriage will make you much happier. Our spouse is not some incredible healer. When I hurt really, really badly Joe brings me comfort but only God can heal those pains. How does our perception of marriage change when we consider its purpose is to make us more holy? Marriage is the most tangible glimpse we get on earth of what Christ’s love for us looks like. The bible uses the metaphor of bride and bridegroom to describe His love for us. Y’all, this is just beautiful to me. Rather than making us wait till Heaven to experience something this close to His love He gives us marriage. The world considers marriage a contract. We are bound to marriage, like prison or a business deal and once we don’t enjoy it anymore we must break our contract. Contracts tell us that marriage is a 50-50 deal, but really at no point has our marriage been 50-50 so far; instead, Joe has owned a lot of responsibility as I have struggled with grieving and sickness. I have been responsible for encouraging him as he seeks new job opportunities. We have to give way more than 50 percent without feeling used or entitlement. However, the Bible tells us marriage is rather a covenant between two people, modeled after Christ’s covenant in the New Testament. It is completely unconditional. When things get tricky or even unbearable we can depend on the unconditional love of our spouse as something that can’t be broken or taken off the table. A covenant is all the good parts of a contract yet, better and without legalities. I don’t have to be concerned if I am violating some code or if my actions will be used against me later.

3.Protecting your marriage through meaningful boundaries:

Communication is just not my thing, not my cup tea, not my scone. I am actually an expert at low blows and saying truly hurtful things during arguments. I come from a culture that openly picks out the flaws of men and one thing I realized I would need to commit myself to was protecting Joe’s integrity in that atmosphere. Rather than calling five girlfriends on speed dial every time I get my feelings hurt, it is much more useful to effectively communicate within our marriage, instead of finding refuge in resources outside of our marriage. Another thing, I found revolutionary was score keeping is completely useless. Y’all, I love hard but I have a memory like no other when it comes to hurt feelings. Only in the last two years of our relationship did I stop this with Joe. During a huge fight, I started to bring up the time he called me stupid in 2008 at 5:14 in the evening and realized wow, this is not that productive. Communication is a tricky business and everyone comes into fights, discussions, arguments (all code words for “ish getting real”) from different angles. Employing a language of repentance is much more productive. Apologizing for being selfish, instead of “I’m sorry I recognized how absolutely ridiculous you were being” or instead of slamming the door so hard your dog confused it for a minor earthquake, is a terrifying, vulnerable, and rewarding language to speak. Let us all write this on our hearts and foreheads, “But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). Another thing that was so helpful for us, was physically writing down a list of boundaries we would abide by: never bringing up divorce or leaving the house when fighting, going to bed at the same time, etc. Writing these down and thinking through ways to protect your marriage in a world that is against marriage was so important to us. Also, serving one another in our marriage has brought us such great joy—waking up to a packed lunch when you were dead tired the night before is love.

I was petrified by marriage when we began talking about it as a reality because I heard of such horror stories from newlyweds about those first few months, years of marriage. I am confident we will see much more rocky road ahead and rejoice much louder in the future, but today I am happy right where I am.

Life Lessons from my Best Friend

After the hardest week of my life, I am realizing what a beautiful God I serve. He remains the same always, regardless of life's ugly and trying circumstances. Thankful that life is only a small utterance of eternity.

Many would consider it unorthodox for a 23 year-old and an 81 year-old to be best friends. However, I am a 23 year-old and I recently said goodbye to my best friend. He turned 81 in May. I am honored to call my grandfather, my Pawpaw, my best friend. Best friends make you laugh, they let you cry, and one of my favorites, they just sit with you. My Pawpaw was a pro at all of the above. I am so blessed that from the very beginning of life I had a built-in best friend and boy, did he go above and beyond the call of duty. I know many adored my grandfather, as I do. Unfortunately, I have always been selfish with my Pawpaw and considered him mine. I would like to share a few of my favorite life lessons that I learned from my Pawpaw, those that I cling close to my heart.

1.     Laugh at yourself often: If you were around my Pawpaw for any extended amount of time, either you were laughing or he was laughing, and even more probable, you were both laughing. His laugh is one of my favorite sounds in the world: a deep belly laugh that echoed through any room he entered. One of my favorite laughs erupted one afternoon while my Pawpaw and I were sitting at the kitchen table playing cards. Pawpaw had leaned way back in his chair, most likely while I was taking an exceptionally long time deciding between picking up all the cards on the table, probably the wrong decision but one I often chose, or drawing a new, mystery card. As I weighed the advantages of each decision, Pawpaw surely gave me a hard time then, slowly he moved further and further back until “BAM”, he tumbled backwards. Tumble might actually be too graceful; rather, he plopped onto the floor. Before I could even fully comprehend the banging of the steel chair on the ground and figure out how to react, I heard it--the laugh, loud and crisp. We both laughed till tears filled our eyes. We laughed so long that I forgot to help him up until he kindly prompted. Soon after in the same sitting, but probably a new game of Rummy, I couldn’t quite reach the discard pile so I was perched on my knees, reaching for new cards when my chair followed suit and flipped. Of course, as my Pawpaw had done previously, any fear or hurt I felt dissipated, and a laugh crept out. We again laughed, yet this time harder and more enthusiastically than before. In my ten-year-old body, I would not have found it particularly entertaining that my chair flipped over if I hadn’t witnessed my Pawpaw’s reaction to a similar situation moments previous. My Pawpaw and I did this often, laughed at ourselves or one another so much that it became a habit. I am thankful for times I can laugh off the bad and cling to the good, because of his wisdom.

2.     Sandbag when it is necessary and it is always necessary: Most 1^st graders did not learn to count by adding up Black Jack scores and even fewer, elementary students practiced their mathematics skills through Spades and Rummy; yet, this was where so much of my time was spent with my Pawpaw. My Grandpaw was a perfecter of the art of sandbagging. If you are unfamiliar with this art, it is the practice of keeping a whole lot of cards in your hand so your opponent falsely believed he or she was beating you, then unloading all of your cards onto the table in one, fowl sweep. Pawpaw was the master and I fell for it every time. I was a poor sport and often joked he even cheated Sol, his favorite opponent in Solitaire. In another sense though, my Pawpaw taught me you don’t always need all your cards out on the table. My Pawpaw could be a man of vivacious laughter or serious life anecdotes, but he also taught me the importance of learning from my life lessons, remaining observant always, and seeking solace in the quiet. I treasured the moments of stillness I shared with my Pawpaw as much as I did the moments of entertainment. Being still and treasuring what was most important in life was one of the great strengths of my Grandpaw. Whether it was taking time to call those he loved daily or sitting on the front porch counting cars with me, he never confused quiet for boredom. Instead, he taught me remaining content with yourself is a greater virtue than busyness.  

3. Read as many stories as you tell: There are few memories I have of my Grandpaw that don’t involve him reading a book or us talking about books. My Pawpaw is the author of my love story with literature and the reason I chose to be an English major and now, an English teacher. Pawpaw was a voracious reader and went through books like wildfire. He was the wisest man I knew and he had just as many stories of his own to add with the stories from the pages of his books. Listening to my Pawpaw tell stories about his life as a kid or those more rebellious times as a young man, I always smiled at his way with words. He could weave them together as flawlessly as he could whittle a stick. I always wished he would write books of his own to let others hear his stories. 

4. Love hard and fair: My Pawpaw loved a lot of things and a lot of people. To know my Grandpaw, was to love him. He was worrier about the things he loved. Where was I? Was I safe? He wanted everyone to feel loved and at peace with one another. I remember one particular dog he loved, a hyper a Jack Russel that followed him around. He just had a soft heart for things that needed love and I was so thankful that I was one of those things. 

5. Don’t be afraid to let others sit in the driver’s seat: My Pawpaw hasn’t been an official North Carolina driver for quite a few years, but many of my favorite times with him were spent en route. Whether the two of us decided we really needed a slushie and Vienna weenies from the corner store or in the last seven years if I was in the driver’s seat, we were sit on going somewhere and thankfully, it was always together. We spent plenty of time in the cars of others, too. My Pawpaw's kind and equally hilarious comrades constantly had me slamming on my imaginary brakes, as their eyesight had not been as kind to them as Pawpaw's. But my favorite memory of driving, involved a snowy afternoon when Pawpaw trusted me to drive us--on a sled. Pawpaw and I loaded the sled at the top of a substantial hill in our backyard. This story is already incredible that my Pawpaw was allowing a young me to steer him on a sled. We moved faster and faster and my excitement must have overcome my ability of maneuver and straight into a tree we ran. Pawpaw chuckled and we got up and shook off the snow. My Grandpaw still teased me about my driving skills that day, but I think stories like this one remind me how willing my Pawpaw was to trust me. He allowed me to make decisions well before others did and trusted they would be the right ones. He often showered others with praise and I always knew I was making at least one person proud, no matter what. My Pawpaw was okay with others leading, but he taught me to know when not to follow and most importantly, to enjoy whatever ride we were taking.

Pawpaw, I imagine you are playing cards with gold chips, reading the greatest and largest novels ever written, and every time I hear thunder I will assume it is just the angels laughing heartily after hearing one of your stories. You were with me from the beginning and will remain with me always. 

 

What a five-month engagement taught me about being realistic, frugal, and Pinterest.

First off,  can I just say my wedding day was seriously the best? It was not perfect and I am sure there were a few snags here or there, but girls, let me tell you it will forever be perfect in my mind. Cloud nine type stuff, y'all! I follow that by saying a five-month engagement meeting my Type-A crazy town self was a learning experience, in the least. This post is to offer my itty-bitty, tiny chunk of wisdom that I gleaned from my wedding planning journey and to provide some ideas on frugality during the process! Also, I had 14 million questions about linens and what a charger was (not a phone accessory...weird, right?), and more ridiculousness I missed the memo on during my perusing of the bridal magazine section at Barnes and Nobel.

Read this if you read nothing else: your wedding is not your marriage. Joe and I invested our time in premarital counseling that was absolutely invaluable (I will post soon sharing our biggest take-aways during counseling).  Our engagement flew by, our wedding day flew by, but we are now figuring out how to use marriage to better understand Christ's love for us for the rest of forever and that is pretty darn awesome! 

I will say money made my head spend in circles my whole engagement--it is so hard. Fortunately, my parents paid for our wedding and I am forever grateful. However, I spent a lot of time doing things myself and had trial and error of what is worth the money and areas to save. I was pretty shocked the average wedding cost $27,000! BUT it is so so easy to get there if you don't pay attention!

In my opinion, the most important first step is figuring out what is really important to you. This is vastly different for each bride, but it is something you need to consider. There will be times when things have to be cut--write a list of three things that you are not willing to compromise on. Look back on that list when you cannot afford those adorable robes for your girls or you have to slash your budget and that list will keep things in perspective.

Here are some of my suggestions of things not to spend on, things I chose to spend on, and other general suggestions...

Things I chose NOT to spend on:

Wardrobe:  One thing that I knew I didn't want to spend money on was anything explicitly for just me (i.e. my dress and accessories). I bought my dress off the floor (if you try on in-store and find something you love ask if you can buy the sample. I didn't care other people had tried it on and got a 15% discount off the gown). Also be really careful about alterations packages (it is a dark, expensive, black hole)—the store you buy from may offer an all-inclusive alteration package for as many alterations as you want/need. I opted for alterations on the length and a bustle. One option is skipping on the package and bringing it to an outside tailor, preferably a CHEAP and experienced one. Hopefully, y'all have someone in the area that is a deal and trusted! Look for a dress with length--I wore my cowboy boots (no cost), but if that isn't your thing you don't have to buy Valentinos with a long dress...you can't even see them. I got my garter from Etsy for $15 for two—one to toss and a souvenir. I thought this was a potential DIY project, but it wasn't worth it for the deal from Etsy. I found department store deals for my earrings and got my exit dress from Cache's clearance rack! All the boy's rented from a local prom dress store (have more options than a Men's Warehouse) and the girls bought their dresses from the same boutique I got mine! Note: This is one area I felt I rushed through. Savor these decisions.

We did NOT do:

--Favors: although you could DIY this to save money.
--Menus
--Programs (Programs always get thrown away!)

Paper: Our invitations and save-the-dates were from Minted.com. We did postcard save-the-dates (cheaper postage card postage is available at the Post Office, however I didn't get that because it wasn't as pretty--ooops). Postcards are also cheaper because you aren't paying for envelopes. I did add the scallop edge option at an additional price for invites, but I lined the envelopes myself with card stock and made my own RSVP cards (Stamp from Etsy) and direction cards (Word). I used fun glitter tape (cheap at Michael's to seal them, rather than other offered stickers, etc.). I self-addressed all my invites and save-the-dates. Note: Minted has the option of you uploading your address book and guest list (free) and it will do it for you but I liked the hand-written look much better.

Flowers: Flowers weren't important to me. Did y'all know they DIE? However, I did want real ones! I bought mine from the local Farmer's Market vendor. They were talented flower growers and even made my bouquets and a lot of random bushels for various places around my venue. I am sure most Farmer's Markets have similar services. I quoted a professional florist, for what would have been undeniably gorgeous arrangements, but the price of the ceremony flowers alone was too much for my budget alone. I paid a third of the ceremony-only quote for all flowers. I also supplemented my small amount of flowers by purchasing a crate of dried wheat offline to use in my centerpieces. I made the guy's boutonnieres myself (fake flowers from Michaels, burlap, and ribbon). I also purchased corsages from the Farmer's Market but if I did it again I would skip on those, my mom didn't even wear hers (she was particularly entertaining when I tried to pen it on her). I would ask women in your family if they really want one or their thoughts on them because I would say this is a cost that could be cut. Also, I used burlap tulle to make bows for the back of the seats, rather than doing an aisle-runner or any flowers to mark the aisle. Another cheap option is candles but my venue wouldn't allow those.

Décor: DIY-city. All my decor was diy-ed other than a handful of bought decorations. Note: Most of my wedding decor has transformed to apartment decor for even more use. Consider this as an option, especially if you are moving into a new apartment or house and have few decorations! Any purchases or DIY supplies were bought from Michaels or the Dollar Tree. I bought candles, votives, burlap, and burlap tulle from Michael's. I bought all vases, $1 sunglasses for bridal party and picture frames from the Dollar Tree (where everything is REALLY one dollar). I used my Michael's coupons like gold tokens—40 or 50% off one item daily. I went A LOT. I bought a package of burlap (could cut to make 2 table runners) for $12.99 with a 50% off coupon daily until I had enough for all my tables! I also made glitter bags for our getaway, bought a $10 table from Big Lots to use as a sweet heart's table, bought $1 cardboard diacut letters in the $1 section of Michael's for signage, got $1 chalkboards for our signage (AC Moore's). I used the coupons on crates from Michael's to make our altar decorations, just stained them and now they function as tables in my apartment.These are a few of my ideas and I know y'all are incredibly more creative and talented than myself so you can totally do better! Note: Choose these projects carefully and make a timeline for completion or you will feel REAL stressed out!

Ask friends with talent for help:  HELLUR. Your friends rock and want to help you. My organized friend killed day-of coordination. I asked a mentor from a college ministry to officiate us. A group of friends and family members helped set-up the day before. I asked a friend to sing ceremony music. A friend did our dessert table--one baby cake to cut and some of our favorite desserts. And guess what?! Every single one of them were stinkin' incredible and it is so special to see people you love in the intimate details of your special day. Do not forget to show them extra love for their cheap or free services--a thank you, a gift card, and a hand-written note goes a long way!

Ask a local church team to do videography: If your church has cool videos in the mornings, they are made in-house and would probably be willing to shoot your wedding at a discounted price. I was not ready to see those thousand dollar price stickers on videographers...whew, enough to make a girl eat a whole jar of peanut butter.

Food: We lucked out on food (Note: A trend you may notice, our vendors were wonderful, kind, precious people who cared about weddings and I could kiss them for it!). We met with a lot of different options and ended up going with buffet style stations for $19.95/ per head, including silverware and plates (we used plastic stuff for cheaper because... why the heck not?), and passed appetizers during cocktail hour. Our stations reflected each our families culture. Joe's family is Hispanic. My family is Cajun. Cumulatively, we are Southern--YUM! Our carter also supplied plates for our dessert table. Another money saver is skipping the cocktail hour by doing a first look and getting all your pictures out of the way, but Joe and I were both adamant about not seeing each other day of :) . This was one of our biggest expenses but I have heard up to $70/per head- ain't no body got time. Alcohol was a tricky decision--I wanted people to have fun (not to say that alcohol equals fun) but alcohol IS SO EXPENSIVE. We did a wine and domestic beer open-bar with a set limit of $600, then it transitioned to a cash bar.

Gifts: Your wedding is one time in your life when things are allowed to get pretty selfish, but do not forget to spend time thinking about the people you have chosen to surround you on this day. Your family and bridal party showers you with love, time spent, and support for your whole engagement. Give them something sweet. I bought my girls' earrings to wear on wedding day and flannels from Sierra trading post (bought during the summer and whatta deal) and had them monogrammed (because...duh)! I wrote handwritten notes. This is not optional. DO THIS. This was one of my absolute favorite parts of the week before my wedding. I loved reflecting on the friendships I shared with my girls and family through writing them notes. I got my parents sweet handkerchiefs for cheap off Etsy ($15/each)--don’t spend a ton here! It's the thought ;) Also, we did a morning of brunch with all the girls (a favorite part of the day)! Breakfast is cheaper than any other meal— rather than a luncheon.

Things I spent on:

Photographer: What a gem! I absolutely adore my photographer. I talked to a few different photographers and discovered it is important to choose a vendor that aligns with your ideas about what is most important on this day. Then trust them. Do not bombarded your photographer with ideas...they actually are incredible and know what they are doing. However, I jotted down a list of details I wanted captured that my photographer would not have otherwise known about (i.e. the written message on the bottom of my boots or the guys' matching socks [Read: Joe's attempt at matching socks]).  Look for someone who shoots film and look at their portfolios to see if it similar to the style you want. A great photographer does not equal your photographer. My price included all-day wedding coverage and an engagement shoot. Also, we own all rights to all pictures—that was included, some photographers make you pay extra for that. I chose to skip on bridals because I think they are awk-city and I don't want a wall of myself creepin'.

Venue: Our venue was absolutely stunning. We did our ceremony and reception in the same place which was especially convenient for guests and you want to keep as many of those guests around...they are pretty fun! You kind of fall in love with venues—so visit a lot and hopefully you will find the perfect one and can cut your budget in other ways. Know what you are paying for! Ours included—linens (ask if they are knee length or floor length if this is included), clean-up, on site staff day-of and parking staff. Our venue was wonderful. In sake of budget, skip on venues that force you to use their food services and opt out of on-site planners or coordination.

DJ: Our DJ's company was legit but we didn't love our DJ, unfortunately—this is hard to pick and was really important to us. Look at TheKnot.com for recommendations and reviews. DJs are generally much cheaper than bands, but bands can be so much fun. I wouldn't go the iPod route…but DO ask to see videos of previous clients' receptions when you meet with DJs for the most accurate description of what to expect! Also, if you trust your other vendors (which I hope you do) ask them for great DJs! They go to wedding almost weekly and know what's up!

Things you don't realize you have to pay for:

--Tips at the end of the night.
--Postage, UGH.
--Alterations (explained up there).

Final Pieces of Advice:

--Read all contracts SUPER careful, so you avoid ANY fees.
--Keep a strict itinerary to avoid any overage fees for by-hour services.
--SAY HECK NO to Pinterest. It has a lot of great ideas, but it is unrealistic, crazy-town acres to think you can do it all. Go at the beginning of planning for inspiration and establish a general vibe to get started…then STEP away. Ladies, seriously turn off the computer.
--TheKnot.com is a great source for wedding etiquette questions, etc. and Southernweddings.com is my favorite source of inspiration and truly encompasses what weddings should mean.

I had so much fun planning my wedding (I am kind of a planning nerd) BUT also, allowed myself to think incessantly about it. Plan wise, plan often, but in the famous words of a wise scholar named Bon Qui Qui, "But don't get crazy."

HAPPY PLANNING and may the odds be ever in your favor ;)

i am (transparent).

I have long aspired to write a blog. I follow a many of blogs and consequently carry on imaginary friendships with the girls whom I follow-- I know their dogs' names, what their last #ootd was, and creepily could pick out their wedding pictures from a line-up. My love of blogging transcends to my Pinterest page, to my Instagram feed, and obviously my Bloglovin' account. My husband used to curiously look through pictures as I scrolled through my Instagram feed and wonder who these unidentifiable people were and the cause of my fascination with them; however, he now too knows them.

So, why the fascination and why am I now entering the blogosphere after years of blog loving?

Because social media is a scary thing that beguiles onlookers: I choose what others see, I choose to include the good and omit the bad, I can fool others into thinking I have it all together on even the ugliest of days. I am unlikely to post a picture of my new decor when my apartment is in havoc or to show off my outfit when I am wearing sweats. I am not pointing fingers at anyone, but I will be the first to admit I am quick to cover up my flaws (and MAC is not the only culprit). I am a private girl with walls sky-high. Even the closest of my friends do not know many obstacles I have faced until much later in our relationships (if ever-oops) and I would hide out in a bathroom for hours on end, rather than let others see me cry. I cannot create a 140-character response to explain this phenomenon. My privacy issues or trust issues or playing-it-perfect issues are much deeper than a trite response, but this blog is my way of accepting grace. As I have grown in my relationship with Christ, an ongoing source of pretending to have it together (fyi: my quiet-time box has not been checked off yet today) and now, as I embark on a new journey as a wife I realize the absolute need to be transparent. Caveat: If you are planning on getting married, transparency evolves quite rapidly. No snotty nose unheard and no embarrassingly holey leggings unseen. More so than that, I crave transparency for accountability. Transparency to gain trust and give trust. Transparency to accept I am flawed, yet loved, cared for, and sought after by a King who is bigger than my imperfections.

This year, I vow to not only be more transparent, but also to strive to find worth in Christ alone. Another scary and overwhelming characteristic of social media is the desire for instant gratification. 2013 will forever be the year of me posting too many engagement pictures, too many wedding pictures, and the like. Those life-altering events were well worth the likes I received, but I didn't need a notification to affirm me. I find delight in the approval of others liking, loving, and commenting on these precious moments, but this year I plan to put my phone down much more, close my computer more frequently, and allow my dependence on Christ to define me. 

I follow the bloggers I follow and obsess over their Insta feeds and like their idealistic lives because I admire their transparency--but really, how transparent are they? Once again, I am not accusing others of a flaw that might be solely mine to own, but I resolve to use this blog as a space to be real. I want to encourage others in the only way I know how: you are not alone in your search for belonging and accepting your flaws, even on the ugliest, snottiest, and ungraceful of days.